"Imperfectly Pausing" Weekly Wisdom

Last week, I was in my kitchen and dropped a fork on my bare foot. As I started to feel the impact of the mild but annoying pain, I screamed at the top of my lungs "are you f*cking kidding me?" It was the last straw at the end of a very long day and I had hit my limit. I had to let "it" out. I had no idea what "it" was after I belted out my anguish and did some reflection. I couldn't pin point why I had so much anger/rage brewing up inside of me that I had to release it. All I know, I did feel a sense of release after my semi-tearful bellow. 

Sure, I can blame it on this season in my life, hormones, not sleeping well, not being nourished properly...blah, blah, blah.  After a week of still being concerned about where this came from, I did a little more digging and I came up with a few ideas. 

-I am doing way too much shit for other people

-I am not taking any time for away from stimulation (phone, news, computers)

-I am not holding true to my necessary boundaries

-I am not stopping long enough to really check in on myself

There it is friends, I am not taking the time to pause. There is so much power in the pause but there is also a little anxiety in the pause for me. I start to see all things that are going wrong. Imperfections in my life and especially, in myself. When I slow down, I start to see things I do not like and need to work on. This is uncomfortable. This is why I do not pause. I don't want to see it. 

Nothing is perfect, I am not perfect. I know this. The question is, do I accept it?  97% of the time, I do not. This is the push and pull of being at ease with imperfections. Is 97% really good for me?  Apparently not because of the mishap with a fork and a monster coming out of me at 6 pm on a Tuesday. 

I know I am in need of the pause, being ok with being imperfect and finding a little more peace within myself. 

Tell me, how do you sit with imperfection?